Tuesday, January 13, 2015

“I don’t wanna grow up!”

For some of you reading this, the words that immediately come to mind are: I’m a Toys’R’Us kid! For years we have sung this song and even passed it down to a generation below us who may or may not have heard it personally. This song represents a paradox in our world today and particularly to the generation we are raising right now. 

To some degree we don’t want our children, and grandchildren to grow up so quickly, that is true. With the advent of technology today we have the computing power unthinkable generations ago, right in the palm of our hands. For those of you wondering, it shows no signs of slowing down any time soon or at all. With this comes a tremendous resource but also a significant danger. It is forcing our kids to grow up sooner than ever before. The average age of first exposure to any form of pornographic material is 8 years old! The statistics used to be heavily weighted toward the male end of the spectrum but are nearly equal today between males and females. Addiction cases are not uncommon as early as 11 years old in both boys and girls. Children are exposed to violence, drinking and drugs at staggeringly younger ages than ever before as a result of readily available technology. So, what do we do? With technology becoming a normal part of everyday life, how do we handle the situation? We don’t want our kids to have to grow up so soon and see and be exposed to these things. So do we advocate abstinence from technology and the outside world? 

Sorry to burst your bubble but that’s impossible. Today it’s a requirement in almost all forms of education even down to the Kindergarten level. For those of us thinking we can shelter our kids from all forms of harm we are at risk of grandiose delusions. Jesus even spoke of this in His earthly ministry, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 NLT) If we cannot avoid trouble then how have we responded to the problem?

As a result of our disappointment in the robbing of our children’s innocence many have decided that perpetuating their childhood/adolescence is the best solution, treating them as young children and adolescents well into adulthood. A recent survey I read said that a majority of young adults today have no plans to get a job or move out on their own after college graduation and are completely content in living with their parents until their late 20’s or even 30. This was unheard of even one but definitely two generations ago. I have two books in my office on the topic if you want more info: Accelerate: Parenting Teenagers Toward Adulthood by Richard Ross, and The Legacy Path: Discover Intentional Spiritual Parenting by Brian Haynes. So what should we do?

I have seen and am in the middle of experiencing three distinct stages in the development of children and families. I have come up with these three names and descriptions to help understand these stages. The first being the Principle Based Learning stage. From the ages of birth to 7 years old, the foundations are being built upon which all children will base future choices and decisions. It is during this time that children learn from what their parents say, and teach. The second stage is the Practical Based Learning stage. From the ages of 7-14 years children seem to notice and observe the practical applications of what you taught them in the first 7 years. One staggering quote I received from the D6 Family Ministry conference I attended last year was, “Children wake up believing on their 14th birthday, what they believe when they die.” The third stage I like to call the Practice Based Learning stage. From ages 14-18 children (essentially young adults at this point, whether we choose to admit it or not) practice what they have heard, been taught, and have seen modeled by their parents. 
In all of these stages it is our responsibility as parents and families to be the primary influencers in their daily lives. We will not be unchallenged in this fight. Technology, friends, popular culture and ultimately Satan would love to fight for their affections and defeat our efforts and attempts. The Church can be a resource and source of equipping for parents, grandparents and families in this fight. This is Family Ministry, and this is it’s primary goal: To equip parents to make disciples of Christ in their own homes. 

The battle cannot be won on Sunday mornings alone or even Wednesday nights. The Church must equip parents in the everyday fight for the affections of their children’s hearts. We cannot perpetuate the immaturity of adolescence into adulthood, but rather must equip this generation, not IF they will encounter troubles but WHEN they encounter troubles, to find peace in Jesus. He is our source of hope in times of need and trials. Times of need and trials will come, Jesus said so Himself. We cannot shelter our children from the world but must equip them to be more than conquerors of it. We must teach our children not only to grow up but also HOW to grow up. 

God Bless, 


Pastor Grant